I don't care if some of you all find this gross but I really feel it necessary to make today's blog about periods...yes, menstrual cycles. Thanks to my buddy Odessa Reyes (you Harvard 2015ers should have her added) I was inspired to dedicate this entry to mother nature's important bloody cause. After skipping my period last month, being worried that I would become irregular, and getting it late this month, I feel that it returned in full swing but this time it is extra BITCHY. After talking to Toshi last night and sleeping at around 12:30 a.m, an attack of MONSTOROUS pains woke me right up at 2:30 a.m.... 2 flippin' 30! -___-
I got out of bed with static vision and the intense urge to vomit my guts out.
I knew this would be one of those situations when Midol would mock my pathetic state of being and let these beastily prostaglandins eat through my organs. Sure enough, I was right. One hour gone and two Midol capsules later, I was still feeling like I was being murdered. I got out of bed once more to put on an extra layer of clothes. Inside my closet awaited my special pair of pajama bottoms...this is actually the only pair of pajama pants I own since I hate wearing alot of clothes at night (no, I don't sleep naked...I wear shorts instead). I slipped on my "period wear" and quickly threw myself onto the bed like fucking Shamu throws himself into the water at Sea World.
When you have period pain as bad as mine, it feels as though you can put on a parka, 6 pairs of socks, cover youself with heavy winter blankets and still feel like you're whithering away in your own personal Antartica even though your room's temperature is only 75 degrees F. It wasn't until after I listened to about 8 songs on various Pandora stations and 6 different a capella renditions of Green Day's "21 Guns" (symbolic of my period's triumph over me, no doubt) that I decided to message Toshi.
Some of you guys who don't know what role this Toshi person plays in my life may be a little confused when I mention him. Believe me, after I mention him on several more of my blogs, you will probably know him better than he knows himself. At any rate, I was pretty happy since Japan is obviously awake when the United States is sleeping.
I messaged him and he responded quickly with a message that resembled a very euphemistic "WTF". He naturally wanted to know why I was awake. Like every month, I began my seemingly incessant whining.
Once it was already 6:00 a.m, I was too tired to give a damn about the pain and I, at that point, finally let Toshi get back to work. I slept till 10 only to be awaken once more by dear ol' imaginary Jack the Ripper who was sticking blades into my uterus...oh yes...how could I forget that it is called a menstrual cycle.
Needless to say, I've felt pretty useless today since all I did was eat, take medicine, whine, and sleep. Guys don't know how easy they have it...living the period-free life and not having to feel like they're going to pass out from the pain every month. I would say that I'd rather be a guy but nah...I don't want pieces of skin hanging between my legs.
Now this new symptom has attacked...I feel like my stomach acid is eating away at my stomach lining...good grief, where are my parents with the rice and beans?! Periods, periods, oh drippily painful periods, I will donate you to some non-pregnant girl who has not felt the bloodiness for months.
Dying on my freezing tile floor,
Dina Star
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