All this week, I've been feeling full and complaining about how I have eaten excessively. Ironically, instead of eating less this weekend, I actually ate more with the help of my dad's bad eating habits! Every Sunday, my dad has the day off and in the morning he usually brings breakfast tacos from El Patio. I actually really like them but the problem is that they are made with flour tortillas which can be fattening and make you bloated. I should've known from all the years that I've eaten those tacos that my stomach was going to feel balloon-like and disgusting but no...I just HAD to eat it because I can't say no to good food.
The one that I don't understand is my failure to say no to Burger King. My sister called my dad saying that she, my brother, and I were hungry and my dad said he would bring something to eat. I wasn't even hungry but was already making myself two slices of toast bread to eat for dinner cause the fridge was empty, like always. After she called, I ended up not eating the bread and got mad because it seems that everytime I'm going to make food, my parents bring me some! It never fails to turn out that way! But when my dad showed up with Burger King, I felt my thighs automatically grow ten more inches in diameter.
I know that it is partially my fault because no one FORCED me to put the food in my mouth but I can't just leave the food there...that would be rude. Plus, no one else in my family would eat a veggie burger (that's the only good thing about BK...they have vegetarian options but their food is still shit fried in hot oil). So I ate it with the cold greasy fries that came with it (they must've been sitting out for a good while because they were soggier than my ass) and I happily slurped up my gargantuan Diet Coke (apparently, it was a medium sized drink but if it were up to me, I'd call it an OBESE sized cup of death...especially if it were filled with Dr. Pepper or any other sugary drink).
If it weren't for my thunder thighs, maybe I wouldn't have given a crap about eating that junk. Unfortunately, having an almost dormant, perhaps even nonexistent, metabolism, I gain about 20 pounds just from breating in air so you can't even imagine how vicious a little gram of saturated fat can be on me...especially on my thighs and ass...oh lord. I'm not gonna worry though cause at least I know that I will be able to survive longer during a period of famine with all my stored junkkkkkkkkk. Take that, anorexia!
I can't believe I spent all day online...my eyes are slowly melting with the radiation of the computer. Ew, i just got a mental image of that happening. I'll be off to go watch the news. I'm sure there's been more murders occurring lately with all this drug violence going on at the border. Hide your kids, hide your wife...get the reference?
The Burger Queen (vomits at the thought),
Dina Starr
This is too hilarious. Your sarcasm is wonderful.
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