Glad to be back...but a bit emo?

For two days, Blogger was doing some maintenance which prevented me from posting my blogs.  But now I'm back and covered in make up...yup I had my mariachi concert today.  I probably have about a pound of eyeshadow on and feel extremely unnatrual but alot of people actually liked it and in a sense, I do as well, but that's only because it's fun to change up looks.  The mariachi performance went well and afterwards I went to El Patio to eat cheese enchiladas with rice and beans because I was super hungry!

Today was also the day that two scholarships were due and I somehow managed to complete them on time.  I, of course, wrote an essay for one of them during school a few hours before it was due.  After I typed the last line of the essay, I teared up.  No, the tears didn't come from the happiness I felt after completing the application, rather it came from the content I wrote.  I'm finally realizing how much happier yet more difficult these past four years have been than I initially though.  It's ending and I'm a tad disappointed that I don't feel as relieved as I thought I would.   I guess it's just a part of my character; I think too much.

I feel that throughout high school I isolated myself from people and did not spend enough time enjoying life.  This is actually a little ironic considering that alot of people know me as being a huge extrovert but my situation is almost paradoxical;  my physical being is the extrovert while my mind is confined in its own prison.  I know that now is not the time to try to feel bad about all the petty yet fun memories that I missed out on making during high school but I can't shake this feeling of unsatisfaction. 

This is just a temporary state, I know.  People often think that I am always positive and that nothing fazes me.  Their sentiments may be right in some cases but I am human, too.  Some things really gnaw at my bones till I feel so much regret and resentment towards myself.  Sometimes, though, I don't even feel...human. 

Tomorrow will be better, it always is,

Dina Starr