This summer is dragging on.

I remember being in elementary school and having summers that felt like they were centuries long.  As the years progressed, summers felt shorter and I desperately wanted to have more days off from school.  This summer, it feels like how it used to feel when I was smaller.

I've been doing a few things different lately.  It's unusual for me to go to my grandma Nieves' house in Sullivan City when my parents go because I normally want to stay home and spend time doing silly things. Normally,  I don't go outside often in mid-afternoon to sit with my mom while she is watering the plants.  But two days ago, after forcing myself to go to my grandma Nieves' place because I wanted to come home to talk to Toshi, I ended up staying over and spending the night next door at my cousin's house.  Believe me, I love my family to death as it is but I feel like now I'm starting to appreciate the time I have with them more than ever.

Since I opened a bank account today with $525 dollars, I bought my plane ticket to Boston.  I was initially going to go on the same flight with Rhed and Kwan, two guys from California who I would've met up with on my connected flight in the Dallas/ Fort Worth airport to Boston, but today I couldn't find their flight and figured that there was no plane leaving McAllen that day that would get me there in time for the 12:30 connected flight.  Therefore, I was happy to ask Carlos about his flight time. Now it seems that I will be leaving for Boston with him in the Dallas/Fort Worth flight and sitting right next to him.

There are quite a bit of things I must do this summer before I leave and I have been slowly but surely keeping on track with all the forms that must be completed.   The only thing that sucks is that I still haven't gotten my Meningitis immunization and I'm certainly not excited for it.  It's a bit moronic of me to be afraid of little immunization needles when I've gotten several piercings (all diy) and my ears are stretched but I just hate for other people to touch me with sharp and pointy things.  

Right now, I'm not bored of my life.  I have enough worries, stress, anxiety, uncertainty, housework, family issues, and even excitement to keep me occupied.  However, I'm ready to see another part of this world for once.

The oh-so-sheltered-by-this-almost-all-Hispanic-society,

Dina Starr

Graduation, party, and balloons sailing into the vast sky.

I still haven't started my placement exam due to the graduation events that came up this week.  I didn't think I would even be slightly fazed on graduation night but what moved me was that after bitterness between two people for two years, I gave them both written notes about how I felt.  If it were the old me, I probably wouldn't have bothered trying to stay on good terms with those people, much less give them cards with kind and sincere words.  But something made me want to make peace.  It's like my warrior spirit was smothered and out came this mini Mother Teresa...ok I'll never be that good.  You catch my drift?

So what ended up happening graduation night was the end of this silent ongoing battle between two people and me.  This battle ended so well that we hugged and I cried like a fool afterwards.  At that moment, I felt my soul was cleansed.  At 1:00 a.m, i lied awake in my bed thinking of the events.  For once, I wasn't an asshole who just sought revenge against those who disliked me.   With some initial discomfort, I did what I think was the best choice I could've made and I'm pleasantly surprised at myself.

Friday night, I had my graduation party at my house.  My godmother did such an amazing job putting everything together from putting cute decorations, cooking awesome food, and giving me all sorts of nice keepsakes.  I felt a lot of love from everyone that night.  Most of my Odyssey of the Mind team was there and we reminisced about our amazing season.  Andrea was such a good sport dancing with my cousins all night and I was surprised to see someone there:  Sang.

During my junior year, Sang and I talked all the time and I felt a really strong connection with him.  I really liked him but during the last two months of the 2009-2010 school year, something happened that our relationship kinda became cold.  After he graduated, I didn't see him at all until the day of my party, where he showed up with these beautiful flowers for me.  I was so pleased that he had come because it was the first time I had seen him in a year and I missed him.  My stomach hurt all night and I at first thought I was just nervous to be with Sang or something ridiculous like that but it turned out to be my period...great huh?  We sat together and spoke to each other the whole time.  He was so kind about my bossy ways and accompanied me everywhere I went.  I appreciated it so much and that night really made me think about him a lot today.

At noon on Saturday, there was a bouquet of about 12 balloons from the party just hanging out in my dining room.  "Go outside and let them go", my mom said.  So I untied the strings from the chair and went outside.  With the balloons in my hand, I remembered the times I was 7 years old and I liked to imagine that one day I could fly up into the air if I collected enough balloons to lift me up.  The wind was raging and suddenly I was scared.

 I didn't want to let go of the balloons.  No, it's not that I thought they were too awesome to be let go but some fear just overcame me.  "Let them go," my mom insisted.  "All together?"  I asked stupidly.  "No" she responded.  "One at a time.  Make a wish before you let the wind take them away."  I made a wish and slowly released my grasp on one of the strings.  One at a time, I let them rise into the air and felt a sense of emptiness.  The day of my own departure is coming soon and I have to make the best of this summer.

"Look at that black and silver balloon," my mom gasped. "I can still see it rising up in the clouds. "  It was true.  One of the balloons I had let go first was continuing on in its  ascendence.  I kept my eyes on the little moving speck till my eyes could no longer stand the intensity of the sun.

"Dina," my mom said.  "Like the balloon, you will reach great heights."

Sitting silently in my room,

Dina Starr

Parties and Angry Birds.

My dad managed to fix the desktop computer (it'll be virus-ridden in at least a month) so I'm back again! I reall began to miss my blog and felt dead and useless these past few days.  With graduation coming up on Thursday, I'm feeling rather fine but certainly not that excited because I'm already getting a taste of summer and it's sucking pretty hard ones.  I don't want to become desperate and have to resort to more naughtyness...like...drawing on my wall with lipstick.  That would be pretty fun but I would be DEAD.

For the past three days, I have been eating alot of watermelon and now I'm starting to feel like one!  My parents have been making preparations for my graduation and everytime they make trips to H-E-B to buy foods for the party they come back with these big ass watermelons...then I feel obligated to eat more because it looks so yumilicious sitting there in this huge white bowl with its juices dripping out so enticingly.

Honestly, I don't want a party because parties are so self-indulgent and you pretty much end up wasting alot of money just for people to come eat, listen to music, and make a mess.  That's kinda why I didn't have a quinceanera when I turned 15 but I was never THAT type of girl.  Even now, as I am going to have a party, I didn't invite many people.  Why?  Because I'm also not one to consider aquaintances to be real friends.  Still, there are alot of people I haven't invited yet that I would like to come but I guess I can tell them tonight via FB or just give them a heads up at graduation.  As far as I know, I may only be going to two graduation parties since I'm quite the busy person and I have SO MANY tasks to complete...lies.  Like I mentioned before, aquaintances are not true friends. 

Right now, I would like to smack my brother because he keeps on asking me if I'm done and complaining that his Xbox connection  only has "ONE FUCKING BAR!!!!!!!!!"  but he can say whatever the hell he wants because I'm only going to stay online longer just to spite him.  It's a good thing that my sister is gone right now too because she would probably be yelling "DIE STUPID BIRDS!!!" with that damn game that so many I know are obsessed with called Angry Birds. 

My room and guitar are summoning me.  This piece of shit computer better work to see tomorrow's blog.  I won't be surprised if it dies right before I post this.  *crosses fingers*

I have a blue little window and a blue Corvette (I wish),

Dina Starr

I may be getting sick...

Why does this always happen at during the last days of school!?  I don't know if my immune system goes down due to apathy or the coming of summer blues but my body can be so inconvenient sometimes.  Just like situations in which you get a bad case of hiccups right before you have to deliver a speech or those times when you get your period the day you're set to go on a trip.  I call that bad luck and a shitty sense of humor on the body's part. 

I feel achy and dehydrated right now.  I'm like a dessicated cactus plant that has been uprooted by some sandstorm.  My sister probably passed on her illness to me...she's sprawled across her bed trembling with a fever.  I actually don't think I'm REALLY getting sick though.  Her sickness vibes probably just were transmitted to me and as a result I am feeling this fictitious illness coming on.  I don't know what it is but I feel really tired now that I want to ignore all these people on FB who are messaging me and go to sleep.  But I can't because I love talking to people...why oh why...and I'm waiting for a call.

Thanks to Mr. Watkins, all today I thought about West Side Story and the scene where Tony and Maria sing "Tonight".  Crap...can't it get the hell out of my head already?!  There's no way I will go to sleep early.  I want to miss school again but there's so much to do and this is the last week of high school for seniors so I SUPPOSE I ought to go...MUST...BE A...SENTIMENTAL...SAP! Not.

I don't even want to spend time being sarcastic right now.  Good grief.  I'm just going to get the whole gallon of water and drink it all myself...everyone else can drink apple juice and milk in the morning.  Right now it's all about me and my water...fire fighter, bring me the hose...

Interpret as you wish,

Dina Starr

Nothing in my house ever works...including me.

Two months ago, I cracked the screen of my iTouch.  Last week, I lost my phone and as a result have to use this old ghetto phone that my sister used a billion years ago.  Its so shitty that its missing the back cover that holds the battery and I had to tape it up.  When I finally came back home Saturday night from being at friend's houses and doing all sorts of other nonsense, my sister announced the death of my laptop.  GREAT.

The laptop is actually working right now though because my dad figured out that it was the part of the laptop where the charger is connected that was messed up but it will probably randomly turn off while I type this...sigh.  I've come to the conclusion that I should not be trusted with electronic devices or most other material possessions because putting them in my hands is just a recipe for disaster.  Unfortunately, I'm so irresponsible with these things that I broke my brother's PSP only a few months after he bought it.  This may well be a reflection of my personality, I know.  I don't want to make some cheesy analogy between these broken items and myself to say that I'm a "broken" soul because I'm far from it.

Maybe it is my aggressiveness that makes me such a bad candidate for the possession of technological items.  I think I often don't handle things with care and just bust out my inner Hulk instead of behaving in a calm and dignified manner.  My handwriting also reflects this nature as well.  You know how people say that girls often have noticably neat and bubbly handwriting?  Well, I'm one of the few that writes worse than a preschooler.  Some have even gone as far to say that my handwriting looks like Chinese...it really isn't THAT bad, I don't think. 

My room is a disaster as well.  If my mom wouldn't go into my room when I'm away to clean (and check out what kind of romantic letters are hidden behind my closet...yeah Mom, I know), my room would be a fort of papers covering the entire area, shielding me from the clear thoughts that wish they could occupy my mind.  My book bag needs major help, but I've gotten better.  It used to be so bad that in middle school and during my freshman year I'd get 0's on assignments because I couldn't find them in my extensive portfolio of garbage.  The bag may as well have been called a BFI garbage disposal.

For as long as I have remembered, I have been the same scattered-brained, disorganized, way-too-outspoken (it at times seems as though I have no verbal filter), manic person.  There must be something wrong with me.  In fact, my depersonalization disorder may be a product of a bigger picture that I long ago failed to notice.  In a way, I like being this way though. 

It gives me more balls than some guys I know.  There are a number of things wrong with each person in this world, especially me.  Mother Earth doesn't cater much to the weak, now does it?

Not cleaning my room or book bag,

Dina Starr

Having no phone, getting dressed practically for nothing, and being too excited about operas.

My mom has always told me I am absent-minded.  She was right for a long time until my sophomore year when I learned to be semi-responsible.  Unfortunately for me, her words were true today when I LOST my cell phone!  I have such a mess in my book bag that there may well be mold growing in there.  I keep papers from first semester sometimes and don't bother to dump all the junk out until the end of the year.  There had been times before that I thought I had lost my phone only to find it hiding under Mt. Spanish Literature but this time, I think it jumped over the mountain range and is now possibly lost somewhere between the prison walls of school.

I had never permanently lost my phone, until today.  Last time, after having looked for it for two weeks to no avail, I found it under Mt. Creaky Bed, hiding in the corner covered by the ends of the bed spread.  This time, I'm almost certain that it's long gone.  Someone must've already picked it up, taken it home, and started making prank phone calls to Indonesia.

This afternoon, a baccalaureate service was held and my mom (like always) put too much thought into what I should wear underneath my gown.  I tried explaining to her that I wasn't going to take off the gown yet she insisted upon buying me ANOTHER dress.  Another dress?  Was she freaking kidding me?!  Stubborn as I am, I refused to put it on and told her to return it because I had another dress to wear.  No one had ever seen me wear the dress and it didn't matter anyhow because it was going to be covered!  When we got there, it took forever for all three high schools to get their students lined up and seated.  The actual service took less time than the preparation.  We were there for what seemed like 2 seconds.  I probably could've shown up with shorts underneath my graduation gown for all anyone cared.

This evening, all I've done is listen to music from operas, especially Natalie Dessay's rendition of "Ombre Legere".  Everytime I hear a coloratura soprano singer perform, I melt.  I remember during my sophomore year I was fixated with the opera entitled "La Fille Du Regiment" and now I think the new music I'm falling in love with is that of the opera "Dinorah".  I don't even know its storyline nor can I truely comprehend the lyrics but the pieces are amazing.

I think I'll listen to Dessay's voice for another two hours.

So enthralled I'm appalled,

Dina Starr

Long talks.

Today was a beautiful day of domino playing during AP Stats.  I just hate myself for becoming so obsessed with the game!  Other than that, something I did today made me feel like I was in middle school all over again:  talking to a friend for and extended period of time on skype.

In middle school, I remember spending countless hours chatting over the phone about petty nothingness with treacherous bffs who called me to talk bad about eachother (they probably called eachother to talk about me too) and rebellious, metal head, high school boys who couldn't pass Algebra I.  Why I continued such friendships with the people I just described is beyond me.  I wanted to be a rotten little apple, I'm sure.

I logged onto skype a little earlier today than usual and chatted seemingly incessantly with Ben Nuzzo.  The funny thing is that I had not comunicated much with him on the Harvard Class of 2015 group or simply on FB chat but once we first talked on Sunday, he seemed like a pretty cool bean so we talked yesterday for some time and today for about four hours.  Besides him being funny and witty, he is also honest and courteous too...especially for situations involving blouses that go down and begin to expose too much.  If you understood what I was saying there, great.  If not, get an imagination.

We got off not too long ago and after the conversation, I felt like I was thirteen again. Lately, I've been too nostalgic for my own good but I loved it because I had not done such a long talking session since the days I was at Garcia Middle School getting into fights with girls that used glitter glue as eyeshadow.  Who knew that cheap hoes were created at such an early age? Oh, the people in the Maury show probably would be aware of such concepts.

For a while last year, I tried to imagine what my life would be like if I became who I used to be:  that punk rock/goth girl with raccoon eye makeup and too many piercings.  I tried recreating the look and realized that I can no longer pull it off without people thinking I was trying to be some sort of late blooming hipster.  No.  My current identity begs to stay.

But if there was something I learned about today's conversation with Ben, it would be that I should take life less seriously and let my poor deprived little soul go wild.  But if I behaved with other people the way I do on chats with Ben, I'm sure a portion of the people who respect me now would be in awe.  Sorry, I was born to be wild.  In all honesty, I'm a good person, really I am...but I'm like the Jabberwocky with the jaws that bite, the claws that catch! 
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!

Dina Starr